Once I had a school that I had to go on a 125 mile mountain.One day I heard a scream I look behind and my new friend Tommy was gone I know I sawed him today then I said that Tommy was missing once we got to school.My teacher said that he must of fell off the mountain so I cried in tears then my teacher said that it always happens that's how Penny disappeared.I said I want to help to stop people falling off the mountain so when I got home I make a plan.Once school started I told the teacher to make a bridge so people can not fall off once the bridge was made I was famous I was said still because of how Tommy died.Than the next day Tommy was here I said Tommy I thought you died Tommy said No I was sick I said for that gey I laughed so did everyone else.
I found your story very interesting. I enjoyed the pacing of the story. I also enjoyed the outcome and how Tommy survived. There are some parts of the story that may need to have full stops instead of longer sentences. How long did it take you to write the story?
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